In the Pen

I was once told that I was not the lost sheep but in the pen, because I recognize God as God and Jesus as the son of God.  I can never be snatched out of his hand.  I had said in a previous blog, that I have been feeling really good and like I have made progress.  I feel protected.

Today I feel a little dip, its been coming on now for a couple of days.  I feel like I need a hug or a good cry or something.  I am not interested in going out.  I just want to stay home and nap.  Last night everyone seemed to be jumping on my nerves, I felt angry, but tried not to show it.  I may have snapped at a person or two.  Along with this goes lack of sleep I haven’t been sleeping this week so I tried sleeping pills, mild ones — did nothing  😦

So am I giving in? Am I falling out of the pen? Crawling over the wall?   No I am none of those things.  I am just feeling a little out of sorts.  I still feel protected I’m just out of sorts.

One lie that was brought to mind as I lay awake last night, Depression is a sin.  The devil and his lies!  I have to admit as I lay there I thought   ‘is it?’  a split second later I replied to myself – No it’s not, it’s a medical condition, devil get behind me.   I am not going to fall for the lies.  I think I am getting better at spotting them and with God’s help be protected from them. 

I am trying to separate two things. What I feel to what I think.  This sounds strange I know.  I am refusing to think about this sadness that is creeping along, I am feeling it but I am trying not to think about it.  Its like sadness of someone close to you that has died, you feel the sadness but you try to not think about the death or what has happened to them.   I keep telling myself  I am protected, but sad, sad does not mean break down, just sad – face value, no thinking.

Today so far it is ok, I am not thinking about tomorrow.  Only today for I will not load my mind with more.  I am putting up a wall I am trying to restrict myself to only today thinking any events for the future I am blocking.  Today I block, I finish work, this aft I work out, eat some supper,  tonight I sleep.  My only agenda, for today.

till next time………….


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