Middle of the week. Feeling better today. I was feeling sad yesterday. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I didn’t do anything, I just sat on the couch in a ball and watched TV. If you ask me tonight what I watched —- I am not really sure but I sat there for 3 hours and didn’t move.
I thought a lot about turtles. I have always thought turtles were cool. I have never taken them seriously before; well snapping turtles should be taken seriously but I never thought about them much. They are slow and a non-threat kinda cute. You see on the nature channel, the little ones just hatched making their way to the sea and there are thousands of them and as you watch you root for the underdog. The life of a turtle has not barring on mine. If all the turtles died would it hurt me. No not really. I thought of them in-depth last night – that happens when stare at the TV for 3 hours. I was a turtle last night – except I had the noise of family around TV around. I thought what it would be like to be a turtle. To have a place to hide. A dark place where no one can see you. Where you can bury your head in the sand and hide. I know hiding is not the place you want to be but sometimes it’s not the darkness I seek but the peace.
Tonight I came home did a work out, my body hurts, I work out hard, I made supper, did all those things you are supposed to do as a Mom and then I took a little time to sit in the hot tub. As I unwound and enjoyed the tub, I looked up and directly above me was a star. It was like it was looking down on me. I started to read my bible today- and write again in my journal– my last entry was April 24– little overdue. I started to read John today, as I looked at the star I prayed a simple prayer. God it is as if this star were put in this sky tonight to shine on me, thank you for always shining on me even when I want to hide in the dark. — I felt a wash in peace. That star was shining on me God had just put a light above me to lighten my way and open my heart.
After a time of turmoil God has given me some peace — for tonight. The tears have stopped for now. Relief from the sadness that has followed me over the past few days. I stand in this peace the way you would stand on a mountain breath in the clear crisp air and soak up the sun as you look over God’s masterpiece. I stand still and try to take it all in – my cup over flow
till next time……………….