Its been bit of a struggle lately. I seem to be surrounded with negativity. It’s not the voices of darkness and his friends. Its people. Drama in the house – 16 year old daughter hungry and tired after n school job. I can’t take it. The negative surrounds me like a shroud trying to choke me, I can’t breathe. I head to my sanctuary in my back yard and disappear in a book. The quiet and the night sooth my frayed nerves. As I step out of the book and back to my yard I realize the limits of illness. My limits. The thought makes me cringe. I have been a women that could move mountains in heaven and earth. Give me two hours and I’ll show you how much on can do when on a rampage. Clean a house, look after kids, and cook an amazing dinner and dessert and still have time for a quick work out and time for a glass of wine. I have been looking at a spot in my yard that needs cleaning up. It requires moving some patio stones smoothing some ground and adding stones back and weeding. I look and know I can do the work. I need to get this done. Everytime I look it just drains me of energy I can’t find the strength to do it, there limits.
Limits. walls surround me and to be honest it pisses me off. Sorry for the blunt crude talk. I am limited in how much I can handle. How much I can do, How much I can think, How much energy I can dispense, how much I can accomplish, how much I can listen, how much I can advise, how much I can love,how much I trust, how much I pray, how much I faith I have, how much I can Mother, How much I can help, how much I cry or don’t cry, Today I cry, the walls that stop me make me cry today, It’s like being a great hurdle jumper. Gold medalist. and then the next time you run you hit every hurdle and they are cemented to the ground.
Its late I am tired and frustrated and feeling a little crazy
so now I will sleep and see what the morning brings
till next time………………