Its been a week or so since I written. I have been doing a few things. Praying, I haven’t done that much. I even avoided the last prayer meeting I was to go to a while back with my Pastor, but I couldn’t get out that night, I couldn’t do it. Not going, was like having to go spend time with your Mother-in-law and hating every minute of it. Spending time with God is not like that — I was in a mood.
I went to the doctors and was told I have Major Depression with psychosis ( like I didn’t know already—been told more that once) the blood work and the hormone test, eeg, my B12, my iron alllllll normal. I am perfect health! Which is good to know cause I am taking all this medication twice a day -_- I am overweight and need to lose 20 lbs. -_- So as I predicted nothing new– told here is your prescription for the next 3 months, see you then, lose weight. I was angry for a few days, actually I was down right pissed off. I don’t know what I was hoping for, or maybe that was the problem, I had hope. I was still adjusting to the adjustment of the drugs, and was down for maybe a week after that but things started to lighten.
I had my birthday, had a beautiful dinner with my family. All the stars aligned and we had a fun time, no fights between children, we laughed and talked through out dinner like we hadn’t seen each other for days, it was great. The next weekend was my husbands birthday and father day and we spent another dinner out with the kids and it was wonderful and we really enjoyed it and the stars aligned two weekends in a row it was great. To end off the weekend we sat in my back yard withour best friends having a fire, hot tub and swim. We talked and laughed what seemed for hours. I actually felt more like me. The laughter came easy and flowed. It was one of the most uplifting moments I have felt in a long time. It was a relief on so many levels.
So for now I will stay on the meds. Keep going the course and see how things go. I have been praying and meditating on what I should do– start reducing my meds or leave it. I am leaving it for now. I feel good today, if things keep this way – I would like to have a summer and feel relatively normal, for a change. My hope, but in this boat its like riding a river you don’t know, sometimes the water is calm sometimes you run into rapids. I will take the calm for now, and refresh my soul.
till next time…………………..