May – and the days fly by.

The days are rainy but warm.  Especially in the evenings.   I don’t mind.  I actually sleep better if I am listening to the rain as I drift off.    Sleep has been weird lately.  I don’t seem to really have a solid sleep.  Unless I drink way to much but that isn’t real sleep either.  Lately, however, I wake up often and then drift off into dreams.  The dreams seem real.  I dream about work, friends, home life.  I dream about all kinds of things and then when I am at work or else where I sometimes become confused because I am not sure if what I am remembering is part of a dream or part of reality. 

I am feeling a little paranoid these days, unsure of myself.  I write everything down to try to keep things straight, to the point of making my journal more of a record of my day, rather than a comment on life or conversations with God.  I can’t say I feel depressed but I do feel like I want to cry sometimes.  The feeling arrives but never carries through.  I am constantly hugging either my children or my husband.  It was a good thing it was my anniversary other wise my hubby  would have wondered what was up.  

I was off to the doctor this week, and got a mild “oh well the hormone patch didn’t seem to do anything, here is a 5 month supply your other meds, see you then.”   What else can she do?  The patch did nothing but add on 15lbs and cause me to go shopping for bigger fat pants (for you men out there all women have fat pants). So I muster up the energy to workout, and try not to drink a lot, to get my butt under control.  Working out doing ok, not drinking not so good.  Or really good depending how you look at things. The LCBO is doing a booming business.

I can say that I have been leaning on God more.  I have been wanting to hide more.  I want to stay home and hide with my computer a glass of wine and my big fuzzy slippers.  I made myself spend most of Sunday outside getting some gardening done.  That accomplished a lot of good stuff so I am happy about how the gardens look.  I have been gardening at the church too so I can keep myself busy and away from my pillow.  I keep fighting I am not wore out but tired.  I am taking a mental health day on Friday.  Just to have the house to myself would be nice. 

God on the other hand has been close at hand and I can feel him.  He has been revealing secrets to me as I have been preparing to lead the bible study I am attending.  I am looking through foggy glasses but he is showing me stuff.

So I continue on another week plugging along. till next time……………………