Crazy week lots to do get done, work has been insane. Its been a good week. I applied the other week for a new job at my office and I am on the short list to be interviewed. Good News. I feel like I accomplished a lot. I am trying to clean my house and put it in order. We had to put down one of our kitties last weekend. It was sad, and I miss her but she was old and I didn’t want her to suffer. The house feels weird with out here our other kitty seems to have adjusted. The one left wasn’t the dominate one and now rules the house so she is happy. She has been wandering the house looking for our old kitty but seems to have settled down this weekend.
I have done ok this week, but I can’t help over the past day or so feel like I want to cry. That is how I know I need to brace myself. It always starts that way. I am functioning fine. I am tired — so tired, and then the feeling like I could break down and cry starts to settle in. I’m not sad, I just have this nagging feeling that something else is going on. Its like I doing my work, looking after the house, kids, and something somewhere had died and I forgot about it for a while and I need to mourn it. It’s not the kitty. I have always felt this way when I start to head in a down feeling. It doesn’t always carry through. I find when the feeling of crying starts to come over me I pull back from people. I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to see the pity or perceived pity people have in their eyes.
I am cutting this short I wanted to express my feelings today as I move from laundry to cleaning my kitchen floor. Sometimes acknowledgement can nip it in the bud. I’m not sure about today– but keeping busy and polishing my house distracts me from the lump in my heart.