Its been a blue day. I had a good Friday night with my best friends…i love them so much. Its Sunday prevening, not evening not afternoon its pre evening so it prevening. Today I feel like the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’m off today sad, disgusted with myself, self loathing. The things that I am not to feel or do. I am shaky sad and anxious all at the same time. I want to text my best friends, but I don’t, not again, not me the wreck, how much can they take of me, always saving nme. I hate me this prevening. In church I am listening to the sermon about

1 Corinthians 13:4-6

New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

this isn’t about marriage, I had this vs at my wedding and thinking it was about me and my husband’s love. Its about God’s love. If you take the word Love and replace it with God or Jesus this is the true meaning of this verse. I looked at this verse and I replaced love with “depression is not” for the first few does not’s,Vs 5 it changes to does, then we come to vs 6 depression does delight in evil and does not rejoice in the truth.

Of all the things love is, depression is the opposite. Love is there with its hand out. Depression sucks life away. Love is the power of God. Depression is the opposite. It takes your life, your strength, your faith. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth …… depression muddies the evil and confuses the truth.

Love is long suffering — in its patient — God’s love is long suffering, God is holding its hand to me. God doesn’t delight in evil but kindness.

So the thing I struggle with when I am down, like tonight. God is all these good things. He is love patience, kindness, no records of wrong etc etc. Like the vs says. But depression amplifies the struggle of good and evil, and these truths become muddy and unclear. Tonight I don’t know what to believe.

till next time……………….