Faith and depression. A person who comes to faith changes their thinking, they can’t possibly not change their thinking. Usually it is an awakening of thoughts that were always there, but ignored. It is a shift from self to our creator. Jesus said “love the Lord with all your heart with all your soul all your strength and with all you mind” To have faith demands an intelligent response. It’s not a happy fluffy feeling good thing. It’s not like, “I’m craving steak tonight.” It’s not a craving or whimsical. When you make the decision or recognize that there is a God, it is all that, a decision. It involves pondering, revelation, thought, and trust in the truth of God’s word. When we spend time reading the word and studying it, the Holy Spirit works in us to give us a new mind and way of thinking in line with God’s thinking and its peace. In a normal mind that relationship is closer and more intimate.
In a depressed mind, there are blockers, blind spots and moments of light. Notice I didn’t say walls or complete separation; for that is something God would never do to us, there is always a window, a crack to open, even if you don’t see it. The relationship may not be close, but if I can recognize that there is a light, a crack in the wall, a slight hope of something. If I can notice these things and try to trust and try to come close to God…. and in my darkness, I may be able to survive this and I could fail, fall, maybe that is all I can expect. I may hide my eyes from the Lord but that doesn’t mean he is not there. It is a peek a boo game but he is always facing me, reaching for me, loving me. I have no peace today, but tomorrow could be a better day. It could be worse too. And if it is, I guess that is what it is and try to do what is right and healthy, limit my temptation of taking wine to dull my pain, not eating to punish me, instead let myself off the hook. This is a positive response.
The most important thing tonight- fantastic friends, a Great God, and a limit of darkness in my day today and loving my husband and my kids. I need to count my blessings. To quote the”Life of Brian” I may feel like I am being crucified but “Always look on the bright side of Life” looking for the light
later in the day………….
That last line is more a convincing for me than for my readers. I went to my monthly prayer meeting with my pastor, his wonderful wife, who is my best friend, and my husband tonight. Prayer night can be uplifting or exhausting. Tonight I feel exhausted, angry. When we pray together we are a mighty force, we can all feel the force of God around us and we pray not only for me (which I don’t like cause it makes me feel needy) but we also pray for our families our marriages, our kids, and each other. The bible says that where there are 2 or more in prayer the Lord is with us. He is always with us when we pray. The spirit comes upon us and I feel we can move mountains.
I may not be in the place I want to be – I feel sad but I also feel a direction tonight. and my spirits are uplifted by texting my best friend, and feeling God close. Tonight I think I can sleep.
The next day.
I did sleep and I do feel better this morning. I spent some time alone today. An hour to just think and allow my mind to wander and listen if God had anything to whisper to me. He did. The thought came to me – this depression could last the rest of your life. This may seem weird but I got some comfort from that thought. I don’t want this illness, I have asked God to take it away from me.
Remember when you were in school waiting for summer vacation to come. Time could not pass fast enough. You couldn’t wait for what ever you were doing to pass to get the prize. When I thought about depression for the rest of my life, it seem to take the pressure off of waiting for it to get better and as the weeks pass and I go up, and I go down, the downs seem to be devastating. If this is my lot in life – deal, get some strategies, take the drugs, do what feels right for me. That could result in some debating with the Doctor. I will not be a study for them, I want a quality of life. Tonight I feel confident in saying this- who knows next week, I could be down and out. I have to keep looking for that crack of light and trust that I am in the hands of God. Otherwise there is nothing
till next time………….