Sitting in the waiting room of yet another doctor’s office.  No one here but me, no eyes to avoid. I am at my family doctor.  My Psyc.Doctor called me at home a week ago to let me know the report she created was faxed to my Family Doctor, My appointment with her was February 19th.  My family Doctor called me last Thursday at home to let me know she has the report and called my pharmacy with my new prescription for the increase in my drugs.  She didn’t elaborate on the report.  We ended the call, I sat there blinking….. What am I doing here?  I can not just take pills blindly just because they said so. I wanted to wean myself off the pills they want to increase. I called back and made an appointment for Monday – today.  I want to know more of the report, I want to know if the psyc doctor labeled me with anything and what are my other course of drug options.  I need to know.  But for now I sit looking at more old magazines in the waiting room  that are missing all the good recipes from previous people who think they will cook them,  but never will.  I never have .  Thinking I must remember to wash my hands when I leave cause sick people com e in here.  It’s strange to be so ill yet worry about other people making me ill.  Mental illness isn’t contagious obviously but that is too bad, I could be put in a nice room somewhere with people to look after me, bring my meals, people would come to visit, send me flowers, I would get sympathy…..Its a double edge sword.  I don’t want to be on drugs but they keep me sane enough to function.  Some times you just can’t win.

Doctor calls me in.  My heart races, she is fidgety makes me wonder what the doctor wrote, makes my heart pound a little faster.  She starts to skim the report and tells me I need to continue on the drug course I am on.  It has made things better, they want to increase the dose of the one.  Which will involve tests. If this route does not work we will wean me off the ones I am on and put me on a new dose of new drugs.  What new hell could this be.

Once I start the new prescription I have to book a electrocardiogram appointment and have full blood work done, including thyroid,  or any other deficiency and the rest of the usual stuff. This must be done two weeks after I start the new prescription.  In eight weeks I go back to my family doctor to be told  how all the tests are.  If the electrocardiogram shows problem she will call me.  If my heart starts to misfire am sure I will be the first one to call.  The new  dose  of the drugs I am on have heart risks, rare but they are a risk.  I have not started yet.  I have filled the prescription but I am unsure of what to do.  I may continue with the drugs as planned.  I just need time to ponder and let it all sink in.

till next time…………….