Twang


Friday !!! finally — I hate to think of always wishing for Friday– I don’t want to be one of those people who wish away their days, but lets face it we never invented the phrase TGIW Thank Goodness its Wednesday or Monday or any other day of the week, and to top it off this weekend is going to be the warmest days of the year, good reason to be excited its friday.

This week started off horrible, but it slowly got better.   Feeling better today.  Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary 22 years – seems like yesterday I got married and yet it seems a life time ago too.  22 years ago I thought I was in love,  after all these years I know what it means to be in love.

My husband is great.  He did say something that has been bothering me this week.  A job position came up that he had talked about applying for in his company, it would mean more money but more importantly it would be in a new area and more a management position.  He didn’t apply.  I asked him why, and he had two responses,  first off he didn’t want to work with the management team  associated with the job, and secondly he wanted to be available to be there for me, when I need him.  He wants to look after me and the kids.  Twang. …..    I instantly had two thoughts :  one was ” crap this thing is preventing him from doing what he wants to do”.  The second thing was ” he is so sweet and loving.”   The guilt mounted over the days as the week wore on.  I don’t want me to hold my husband back from advancing in his job.  It hurts to think I could be the cause of that.  It twanged me but I didn’t spend a lot of time really thinking about it, I got stuck on the hurt feeling.  Today I took some time to really think about it, pray about it.  I came up with two conclusions.  One, this illness is like any other illness if my husband need the help and a new job would prevent me from giving him the attention he needs I wouldn’t take it– It wouldn’t be fair to him, it wouldn’t be fair to the boss, the stress isn’t worth the pay.  Two, the negative voices want me to feel guilty, the depression wants me to carry the burden of causing everyone trouble.  As I pulled away from the negativity and try to think objectively – yes I would do the same thing.  As I pray for this job for my husband I get a sence of peace and know if God wants him there he will be there and if not — the right job is coming all in God’s time.

Deep sigh…. that makes sence and gives me peace.  Do you see how a little comment can get totally turned into something out of whack.

I had a lovely evening sitting on a patio tonight in the sun sipping a light beer then a water – I got some sun on my face and feel like a little tiny vacation happened.  Tomorrow I go to the spa for a massage, out for dinner with friends. Sunday church and warm sunfilled afternoon.  Praise the Lord, Amen

till next time……………………….

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