I had a massage today.  It was a little over an hour, and it was one of the best I have ever had.  My masseuse was this little Asian lady with the strength of the hulk, she worked out all the knots from working out.  The greatest thing about a massage is the hour of having your thoughts to yourself.   I love the fact that when you have a massage you are stuck in one place for an hour, you have nothing to do but breath, and receive the pampering.  I find the experience meditative.  So as I relaxed myself into being kneaded into a ball of dough, I made a point of breathing to the action of the massage and meditating on the Holy Spirit.  I have not prayed much, I have avoided spending time with God because I don’t want to be disappointed.  This illness ebbs and flows and when I feel better — then I feel bad.  I spent the first part of the hour asking God to come to me.  I needed my father to come close and lead me.  I prayed forgiveness, I prayed for a message, I asked for God to lead me.

This is huge for me, when depression over takes us, we go through so many processes that I can’t even describe what happens most times.  Let me summarize— if you have read previous blogs, the devil and darkness comes close to hide the light of God, logic, ability to take care of yourself, and basic love.  Love of those around you, love of self.  The darkness lies, yells steadily at you, it makes you paranoid that you are no good, unlovable, unacceptable.  It drowns out logic and God’s gentle whisper.  The first year it not only frightened me, it completely turned my happy, God fearing, trusting, ‘normal’ life upside down.  My mind rebelled and I realized I could not trust it – or anything.  To be numb and reject everything works best because it keeps all hurt outside of the raw, torn parts.  What did I realize today????? I realized I forgot someone.  And I remembered something.  I forgot that the holy spirit lives with in me.  simple statement – but think about it.  The spirit was with God when he created the world, he is part of the Triune God, Father Son Holy Spirit or Councillor.  The spirit lives with in me.  I forget about him.  If the body is a temple of God, the Spirit is the Guest living with in, because I am a believer.  The sins I do against my body I do against the Spirit.   Another thought—- the bible says that where two or more are together in the name of the Lord God is also with us, or Jesus is with us.  We are born a single person.  We are born a single child of God — does God or Jesus only come when two or more people are together??? Yes but here is a thought.  If the spirit lives with in you would not you and the spirit = 2.   Think about it.    The spirit lives with in when we believe.  The spirit groans for us when we can not articulate what we want to say to God.  The spirit is apart of the triune God, there when the word created and when the word became flesh and continues to be near us, with in us.  This isn’t anything new — the bible tells me so.  The point to all of this??????!!!!!!! I have ignored the spirit.   I have seen the darkness around me and acknowledged it.  I have felt the fear, I have  see the darkness sit beside me, I have felt it enclose my heart and I have heard it yell in my head.  I have let the darkness over shadow the Spirit, and I have not seeked it.  I need to call upon my prayer partner when I feel over whelmed and helpless and alone and in pain.  Maybe I can shut down the darkness that follows me…. it may never go away but I need to lessen it.

I have also been thinking about “the word”  I think our words are stronger than we think. ” in the beginning was the word, and the word was with God and the word was God”  Look at the commandments.  Love the Lord God with all your heart all your soul and all your mind.  – the mind is where the words come from.  thou shall not lie, thou shall not swear.  George Carlton, God bless him, was a really funny comedian.  He had a comity bit on the words you never say on TV.  I will not repeat them……….. google if you must know.  But he also stated why would society create this short list of words that we can not say.  They are made up of letters like all words, why are they bad?  Have you ever heard anyone say, I don’t mean to curse them,  but I think this person is heading into — what ever ( you fill in the blanks) problems.  We sometimes state ideas and the come true. My Dad always said ” I don’t want to be one of those guys who retire and die two years later cause they don’t find someway to be useful ”  Dad dies two years after he retired.  Did he kill himself?  No but it makes you go Hmmmmm.  If God can speak us into existence and we are made in God’s image, would it not make sense that our words are way more powerful than we think?

Words have the power to build someone up, we use words to pray to God, we use words to state our beliefs, we use words to tell others we love them, we use words to communicate who Jesus is, we use words to sing praises to God.  you can see where I am going here.

Lets look at the other side of the coin.  We use words to break down people, belittle them.  We use words to curse, embarrass, cut down people.  We use words to swear, hurt, injure people.  We use words to cut down the Lord and what he is and done for us.  We use words against people and by doing all these things give power to the devil.

The bible is clear on the use of words and warns us about making oaths to God.  In case we put ourselves in a situation where you try to bargain with God.

Loving words covers those around us with warm blankets of protection.  Angry words sends blanket of barbwire around people, and evil angry words sends arrows in to the heart of those we wish to hurt.

It is late and I need my sleep, I actually slept   7 hours last night – for a change.  So I want to try again

more on words

till next time…………………………..


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