Oh Heart

Oh tired heart, why do you cry, don’t you know of love.

Heart of mine, you feel you will die, it is the dark of dust that makes it cry.

The dust makes the heart not see. The darkness makes the heart not feel.

Stuck in paralyzing shock.  Coated in its rotting grape soaked lot.

The light will cure the sickly heart. If only it will start.

To feel the warmth of heat from the son of the Love.

Dust and dark  clouds kills the  warm heat, and covers the mind of the heart.

Restless in a desperate search of sleep, only to lay awake in a heap.


Short Post! Ya I can be brief.

Its 7:30 on a Saturday morning – I know what the heck am I doing up at this time of day! On a Saturday! I am waiting for my Best Friend from School.  We are going away to do a wine tour and stay in Niagara Falls and basically get away from the men and kids and yak our faces off for 48 hours.

I have known my friend since grade 1 and I am not going to tell you how many years ago that was- cause I don’t want to think about it- it makes me feel old- but it is also neat to say that I have known someone that long.  I have not told her about my depression.  I am this weekend.  I think she will be disappointed that I have not told her up to this point, but she is a wonderful person I know she will forgive me, and support me.  She is a Lutheran but not a practicing one, and I know she has faith but I am hoping that we can also grow that this weekend too.

I was reading my blog from yesterday, besides having a lot of hits in 24 hours which is cool.  I have to say I wrote that in a moment of passion and spirit  and I wrote some very personal, and heart-felt truths. Give thanks to the Lord for he is Good.  I am still in a positive light this morning.  I still feel God with me. I still feel the love of God and friends with me and it up lifts my spirit.

Ps34:4( Given to me by me friend hours before our prayer time).  I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

And through prayer God did that.  I know; all this love stuff is so wonderful, and good for you  huggy huggy mushy mushy.  There is a serious side, this isn’t just fluff.  This is a period of peace.  It maybe the calm before the next storm.  If your home was damaged in a storm you would repair it, cause you know down the road the rain will fall and the winds will blow.  God had expanded my heart these last few days cause, He needed a chance to rebuild me before the next chemical imbalance happens and the next storm blows through.  God does not prevent these things from happening, Jesus said in the bible that there is trouble in this world- He knows what we go through he was Man.  I am hopefully following Gods lead in my heart to share these truths and trials of my experiences in this . To first unburden my heart in writing these words, and secondly to show God does hold us in our burdens, even if we do not feel it.  And thirdly and most important if you are reading this and suffering from depression you and I are not alone.

John 15 one of my dearest bible chapters (the more I read this, and I have been for 4 years now, the more I learn) Jesus says if I remain in him (if I continue to create a relationship and lean on him) he will remain in me (live in my heart and hold and help me) paraphrase, His love will remain in me and my joy will be complete. His love and joy comes from his father – God.  There are days I can not love or feel joy or complete or peace or anything.  But Jesus shares his joy, peace, love, and spirit to carry me when I can not.

As I said I am back on my good wave, I hope you are too. Rebuilding and fortifying for the next storm – till next time God Bless you.