June 12


Just got home from work.  Its a Tuesday and I biked the 45 minute ride home.  The wind left over for a afternoon thunderstorm  pushing against me all the way home. I made it, there was times I thought – they may have to send a search party for me. Trying to stay fit, well I was really fit running half marathons, working out in the early hours of the morning before work, all gone.  I’m lucky if I can pry my clenched unwilling hands from my pillow let alone drop and do 30 pushups.  But biking is perfict.  Gets my heart going and well to behonest, I have no other way of getting home, so I have to bike.   I was late coming home.  I stopped at the drug store to renew my prescription.  I have had a few struggles over the past little while, but sometimes I believe I am my own worst enemie.  I ran out of one of my pills 4 days ago.  At bed time, I would think – darn it forgot to get them again, the next morning slip my mind.  I know I will pay for this later this week but for now I am angry that I can’t remember the darn perscription.

I went to a meeting on Thursday night and because I missed two meetings I really felt called to do the minutes, we take turns doing it.  But I should never have volenterred.  I could not get my mind to concentrate I was having a really tough time following the meeting and taking the minutes.  I was so upset by the end of the meeting I packed my laptop and took off before anyone could say anything to me.  Unsettled mind, I find this fustrating.

The rest of the weekend was great spent some time with friends, did alot of work in the back yard Sunday and got our back yard back into shape after building a new fence. Work this week has been nuts we are heading up to year end at school but that means commencement and year end and that means alot of work for me.  It was crazy today, but I like busy keeps me from thinking.

Its a tough time a year, trying to hold it together mentally and trying to stay focused.  That is the fustrating part.  Its like having a lot of work to do and your drunk.  Except your not happy.  My chemicals in my mind just don’t make me sad, however that happens, it changes how your think, you can’t multi task and follow through on the work.

but I guess it is what it is…..

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