Crappy


I am having a email discussion with my husband today.  I was telling him that I think its time to pray with our pastor and his wife.  Its been a month or two maybe three since we have done this so we are due.  My husband responds -” I knew there was something wrong – I asked if you were ok and you said yes, but I knew it was something.”

Is there something wrong with me? Well yes I have an illness that takes a lot out of me sometimes and other times I’m fine.  This week I am fighting and I am tired.  I fell into a deep sleep this morning maybe about an hour or two before the alarm went off.  How wonderful it was to sleep that deep how crappy it was to have to wake up.  I am tired now, its only 4pm ( i have been tired all day to be honest)  Its when I am tired that I have the toughest time to feel up.

So the delima.  I feel like crap sometimes.  I don’t want to be around people I don’t want to do anything, I feel angry, alone, sad, the whole gamit, that happens with depression.  So what do I do? “hi honey I feel like crap today” what does that accomplish.  Sometimes I just need to deal and want to be left alone.  That may not be what I am supposed to do.  When you are feeling alone, I guess it is the approach bothers me the most.  I hate to put people out, I hate to admit I need help, I hate to rely on people.  That is my pride, that is my nature.  I have always looked after myself, I look after my children and my husband. Its hard to put that shoe on the other foot.

Maybe this is apart of God‘s plan. Maybe this is his way of teaching me that I need to trust in him and others.  Its a lesson I suck at learning.  I want to be better – there have been some dark places I have been that I have got out of, only by trusting completely in God.

things to think about……………..till next time……………….

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