The past weeks blogs have been all about feelings, physical and mental. They are a documentation for my next visit to the psyc doctor.  The upping of my meds has not made a difference, if anything they have enhanced the feelings of loneliness, the voices, and sadness.   I do not feel this is the best action for me.  In the mean time I have been doing a neurological study to see the coralation between depression and the chemical reactions of the brain vs other diseases, conditions, drug interactions.  I have been looking at simple chemical reactions from outside stimuli, to how cluster nerves in the base of the skull are affected by antidepressants, to chiropractic neck manipulation.  In some ways there are reams and reams of information to look through but in the same breath there really isn’t much in new studies and a lot of the studies start with observations that were done in the 1930’s – 1950’s.  With the new technology I thought for sure there would be more.   So the search continues. ……However,

It’s not a TGIF well it is, because I am glad its Friday but it isn’t happy.  I woke up…..well actually I didn’t go to sleep I watched the clock tick by last night.   My heart feels like it’s in my boot, I stare at the computer trying to remember my last thought I wanted to write. I feel shaky disconnected.  Remembering passwords for work has been difficult I had to look them up.  My fingers seem to be confused– my typing really sucks today spelling words wrong and having to try to remember how they are spelt.   I am having a tough time remembering what needs to be done day to day at the office.  I am a huge note taker so I have notes on what people ask me to do and what needs to be done– my saving grace.

  I have done all the things I should do.  I have eaten even when I didn’t want to this week, the food tasted like sawdust, but I forced myself to eat, I avoided drinking, I had a beer Monday while watching a hockey game – to do otherwise would be unCanada like 🙂  But only on Monday.  I worked out 5 times this week, didn’t stay up late– well I was actually in bed on time if I slept or not is another question.  I took sleeping pills twice this week so I had to nights I slept through. 

another day in the life

till next time……………………