It has been a hot summer since I been off work, it was a slow spring but it is picking up as July goes by.   Today  is another hot day–I am ok with that, I really do like the hot weather.

How have I been since the episode.  I have been better, and that is nice.  I had a prayer secession with my Pastor his wife and my husband, a bit ago, it was not comfortable, but when the Lord is poking you its never comfortable.  In the middle of my last episode at a very dark moment I cut myself.  I am ashamed, embarrassed, to say the least, but I keep it a secret and God was not going to let me keep it that way.  My best friend realized a during the episode what was happening, she kept it to herself and talked only to me about it.   God wanted me to share during our prayer time together about what I had done.  I could not look any of them in the eye and tell them.  I kept it quiet, spent a tormented night and emailed them in the next day – after I sat my husband down to admit what I had done.  My husband is Scottish, to say he took it in stride would totally be wrong, he freaked.  He was ready to take me to the hospital on the spot.  I talked him out of it and eventually got him calmed down to discuss what is what.  To say he watches me like a hawk, is an understatement.  Another step in the process.  As for my Therapy.  My Psyc doctor didn’t send through my request so it got sent three days ago! so I have to call the Anxiety clinic to see how long I wait, and then I may get some help.  In the mean time I am working out trying to eat right and enjoying the heat.  I know its a rollercoaster and I know another down will come.  I just have to figure out how to handle it.  I need to make it a way of life and I don’t quite know how to handle the downs.  I am trying to create my own coping strategies and some work, some don’t.  I pray that my therapy group opens up and I can see if this will help.

For now, I am up, and I am busy getting ready for a camping trip.  My family goes with a few other families, and have so for 12 years now.  Oh how time flies.   Getting ready for this isn’t stressful.  I have had years where I felt very stressed out about this trip, not because I didn’t like the families, but because I felt I never fit in with the group.  Time passes, we grow up, things change, and it is all good.

That is all for now till next time………………………