Thursday am.   Feeling really down and agitated. Feel like everyone got stupid all of a sudden, everyone is asking dumb questions and I don’t understand them. My heart is racing again….even my heart can’t get things right. the dizzy spells continue, I haven’t lost any of the weight I put on a half a year ago despite my work outs 5 times a week and strict eating timed specifically around the work outs, I can not eat any more cleanly or specifically .  This dam body and mind hate me and will not function logically. Or correctly. Joy and happiness is a fools goal, they are but fleeting ideas of nonsense. Reality there is just pain, suffering, and a random idea  of hope.