December already, how did that happen. Hard to believe it is that time already. This weekend I don’t have much happening so its a good time to decorate the house — well clean the house first and then decorate for christmas. Its a weird Christmas this year. We are going to Mexico for Christmas, land in there a couple days before and leave before New Years. I am starting to get excited for the adventure. I am going to miss my friends and my Mother but it makes for a real breaking of traditions. We are not buying a tree this year, no point. I have this huge Ficus tree that already has pin lights on it so we are just going to add to it. No presents to buy. We told everyone not to buy for us we would not buy for them. No Christmas shopping – It is really neat. No cards to send we decided we would take a picture on holidays and mail them out when we got back as Happy New Year pictures. There are some things I will miss but this is a once in a life time thing, so its ok. Its kinda nice to shake up Christmas.
Last year I had my breakdown before Christmas and was so depressed I couldn’t bearly function. I hated the holidays last year. I couldn’t stand the carols, the decorating, the services, the parties, the food. It all just was too much to swallow.
This year is so much different. Since my prayer meeting with my pastor and best friend, I have been feeling more and more like me. I canceled my therapy meeting for next week. I have been feeling good and with Christmas coming up I am a little busy to be driving across the city, for now. I was standing in Canadian Tire this morning with my husband, I was listening to a christmas song with a sax in it, it was so pretty and then I felt a very soft little pop. I was waiting for my husband to make up his mind as to what bulb to buy for the van lights and just thinking about God and my previous day’s devotions and half listening to the music and suddenly I felt excited for Christmas. Not because we have this big trip planned but just excited about the event its self. The services at church the getting together with people, the parties we are going to, the little things I want to do to make christmas special for the kids. It was all very neat, and foreign. At first I was hey what does that mean. Then I had this thought “I like Christmas” and then I rethought the thought and Yes I do like Christmas. I know this sounds weird but here’s the thing. I hated Christmas last year and for the rest of the year I kept thinking about how the depression started and how it was at the Christmas time of year and I have been putting such negative energy and thoughts around the Holiday that I was a little taken a back when I decided that I like Christmas this year. The only thing that grieves me is I will be missing two of my favorite services, and my friends. To think about it now makes me a little sad, but I will be sitting on a beach in the sun so maybe I can live with
In the end I am feeling more and more like me, is it God, is it I am getting adjusted to the drugs, is it the therapy I have had, is it a combination of all of the above? — well yes but I think that my prayer meeting with the 4 of us has made the most difference. It was such a powerful prayer meeting– it is defiantly a do over. I think God is giving me a peace I haven’t had in a while and that is wonderful, as for therapy– not sure what to think yet.
This is all i have to say for now – have a great weekend