End if a long week.  I have been so aggravated the last couple of days.  My temper has no fuse.  My temper and aggravation says ‘why the heck are people such a pain in the butt!’   Everything is so loud, why do people have to speak so loud talk so loud,  Why do people think that they have to always be around you and never let you be alone.  I am tired of people. I don’t want to be around crowds, make small talk, smile. I hate trying to fake fun.

What do I really want.  I want to talk to someone. I want to say what is going on in my head with out someone trying to fix it. I want no suggestions of how I can be better. I just want to unload the things that bother me and depress me.  Maybe that isn’t even it.   I have been under a lot of stress lately.  My Mother was sick and my brother and his wife when to help and no one said anything to me.  I was angry about that one.  I live far away, so they didn’t think I needed to know. grrrrrrr I am an hour and 40 minutes I have my own car, I drive I could have been there.  I came clean and told everything to Mom about the doctors and apt now she doesn’t want to burden me.  This makes me more burdened than anything. I have a lot of work I am doing at work and its all good. I have a 16-year-old daughter who I have been butting heads with lately just thinking about it makes my aggregation boil.  I truly want to run away,  I desire quiet today I desire no demands today.

This pain is here today like a weight in my heart. I want to hide in my room and just be – blink at the sky out my bedroom window and be.

I am turmoil I don’t know what I want.

I believe God is taking care of me I believe God is good and will be there for me, but my pain is not dull today. So Lord be close to me and keep me safe, forgive my distraction from faith Forgive me for half heartedly believing in you. you are Great Praise God. Amen

till next time

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