This going to be a short post. I have been wondering this week what is depression. I saw it in my friends son, it made him sad and the voices took his life. What is it for me? Its a constant fight. Everyday, I take the pills fight the side effects, fight the voices that want to take a piece of my heart, surround myself in God‘s word and prayer to protect me. It takes so much away. It takes my joy, my freedom, my mind. I have always been someone with a quick joke, or jab to make someone smile. If I could make one person really laugh from your toes laugh, then I spread a little joy that day and it made me happy. I’m not such a jokester these days. My freedom. I am afraid what if –what if that day I fall in a hole, what if that day my sadness can’t be hidden, what if that day I lose it at work and the bosses figure out I am suffering, incompetent, unstable. Its a hiding game its a fighting game and some days it all wears me out. somedays it totally knocks me out. I am a athlete, I used to run, work out hard, and not quit. Can’t even go for a walk these days.
What is depression? Its a constant fight against forces against you. Is God there yes, but you still have to fight. Today I a tired I don’t want to fight. I want to hide, but I have no place to go. So I pray, Dear God hide me under your wing for I don’t have the strength today, let me rest for tomorrow and lift me up to start another day.