Today- a day in September


This going to be a short post.  I have been wondering this week what is depression.  I saw it in my friends son, it made him sad and the voices took his life.  What is it for me? Its a constant fight. Everyday, I take the pills fight the side effects, fight the voices that want to take a piece of my heart, surround myself in God‘s word and prayer to protect me.  It takes so much away. It takes my joy, my freedom, my mind.  I have always been someone with a quick joke, or jab to make someone smile.  If I could make one person really laugh from your toes laugh, then I spread a little joy that day and it made me happy. I’m not such a jokester these days. My freedom.  I am afraid what if –what if that day I fall in a hole, what if that day my sadness can’t be hidden, what if that day I lose it at work and the bosses figure out I am suffering, incompetent, unstable.  Its a hiding game its a fighting game and some days it all wears me out. somedays it totally knocks me out.  I am a athlete, I used to run, work out hard, and not quit.   Can’t even go for a walk these days.

What is depression?  Its a constant fight against forces against you. Is God there yes, but you still have to fight. Today I a tired I don’t want to fight. I want to hide, but I have no place to go. So I pray,  Dear God hide me under your wing for I don’t have the strength today, let me rest for tomorrow and lift me up to start another day.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s