I can not say tonight I am writing happy thoughts. I have spent the weekend at a youth retreat, Aquire the Fire. A great organization and had good music and good talks for the kids and good worship for all. It was inspiring and wonderful for my teens and my husband. But— you were waiting for that eh? I am lost tonight. I am not in a hole or in a dark place, I am behind a wall I can’t get over. I was fighting demons this weekend. I sang the songs I prayed the prayers. but right now right in this place I could walk away from my faith and God. I could give up my positions on committees and the prayer chain forget the bible study group I’m in a mood to throw in the towel and say to hell with it all. I know this isn’t truth. I do know these are the lies wanting me follow them into the dark. God has been laying on my heart something he wants me to pray with people about and am not prepared to do. I don’t want to do it. Truly tonight I don’t want to pray or think about it.
So here is what I will do for tonight. I have been fighting for 2 days now. I am tired and I can’t fight tonight anymore. I make no decisions tonight, I will not take a side tonight. But I will Pray for an intervention from God. – I Pray that Lord please send your spirit close to me and lead me for I am done for today I do not know about tomorrow. I throw the fleece on the ground and ask for a sign.