70 X 7


Family can stress the heck out of you.  I am sorry but I just have to vent this.  I try to do so much for my family.  My brother is blind and I try to make up the difference.  If I can’t do i,t my Mom does, or my husband does.  Lately my brother has been a total ass, for lack of a better word.  My Mom has no one to help her — it’s all me.  One brother is blind, one doesn’t talk to her ( another long stupid story ) So it’s up to me. When she moved off the farm it was me, who lugged everything off the farm — spent most of the summer at either the Stratford or Mitchell dump.  I did it all.  I am not looking for pity or am I whining,  I would gladly do anything for my Mom.  I love her to pieces.  But I can not stand the treatment from my brother I have had lately.  One doesn’t talk to me, and today I wish the other one would not either.

What ever happened to common curtsey.  What ever happened to getting along, and mellowing out as you get older.  What ever happened to families helping each other out and being there for one another.  Brothers in my family the older they get the crankier they get and it just infuriates me.

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant  Matthew 18 21-22

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seven times seventy.[a]

Today I feel like I am at 80 X 7 . I feel like all I do is forgive my family.  I guess my pride wants some recognition that I have been done wrong.  That I am hurt, and they did it and not that they will think they are wrong.

Family — it can drive you insane– which is funny when you think about it– as this is a blog about depression…. really it is kinda—-

I am just hurt, and angry and I know I will have to forgive– I am just not ready yet.

till next time………………

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October evening


I can not say tonight I am writing happy thoughts.  I have spent the weekend at a youth retreat, Aquire the Fire.  A great organization and had good music and good talks for the kids and good worship for all.  It was inspiring and wonderful for my teens and my husband.  But— you were waiting for that eh? I am lost tonight.  I am not in a hole or in a dark place, I am behind a wall I can’t get over.  I was fighting demons this weekend.  I sang the songs I prayed the prayers. but right now right in this place I could walk away from my faith and God.  I could give up my positions on committees and the prayer chain forget the bible study group I’m in a mood to throw in the towel and say to hell with it all. I know this isn’t truth.  I do know these are the lies wanting me follow them into the dark. God has been laying on my heart something he wants me to pray with people about and am not prepared to do. I don’t want to do it.  Truly tonight I don’t want to pray or think about it.

So here is what I will do for tonight. I have been fighting for 2 days now.  I am tired and I can’t fight tonight anymore.  I make no decisions tonight, I will not take a side tonight.  But I will Pray for an intervention from God. – I Pray that Lord please send your spirit close to me and lead me for I am done for today I do not know about tomorrow. I throw the fleece on the ground and ask for a sign.

amen