A week – 7 days, 168 hours, 10 080 minutes, If you sleep 7 hours a day you sleep apx. 49 hours per week 2940 minutes, you are awake 7140 minutes/ week, 119 hours per week, 16 hours a day.
So why the calculations: not to show off my math skills, but to show movement of time.
A week ago I thought no one loved me
A week ago I sat alone in my hot tub, crying
A week ago I didn’t attend my prayer group, cause I could not pray
A week ago I was refusing to eat
A week ago I was hiding in my bed room from my family, and the world
A week ago I couldn’t read my bible because the words were greek to me.
A week ago I slept maybe 2 to 3 hours a night
A week ago I sat in a bible study on the Holy Spirit, believing more in the darkness than in the wisdom of the Spirit.
That was a week ago.
I finished picking a therapist and I am going next Tuesday. I cleaned my house, cooked a supper and ate it. I am planning a run tonight. Last night I slept 6 hours (haven’t done that in weeks) I read my bible today and today it was english. I prayed this morning, with the ease and flowing of Spirit.
I am on a wave; a good one. I almost feel like me and normal. I (dare I say) feel happy!
Why the difference? Your guess is as good as mine. The depression is chemical so I guess I am in a good chemical state this week. I feel like I am stepping out of my house after a horrific storm and the flowers are blooming and the sun shining. I’ve come to realize I haven’t written much about the good waves, I felt it was necessary to discuss what you do when you are good.
So what do you do with them?
When my kids were babies, and they napped for an hour or two, in that time I could move heaven and earth during a nap time. So what do I do in this good wave? First, I breath, take in the peace and allow it to sink deeply in my soul. Second, Praise God that he is faithful and loving. Third – do everything you can think of, while the good wave is here. Its like making the most of a Great Weather Weekend.
Most of all and the most important after Praising God– work on your relationships. My husband, my rock. My kids, and especially my best friends. So many times these loves have seen me at my lowest, I want to share the normal with them so I can enjoy them and they can enjoy me. I am a very blessed person, God gave me special friends, a fantastic husband and teens that I don’t want to kill every week. (just kidding, I have great kids) Praise the Lord and Thank You God for these special people.
On the days I had asked God to cover me over with his wing like a mother hen, He did. When I listened to the yelling darkness in my mind, God protected me and whispered truths in my ear. While I was broken and weary and ready to turn my back on my church, my God, and throw in the towel. God pulled me on his knee and held me. He lifted my load and waited till I was ready to receive his peace.
Coming out of a bad wave – my heart feels like the Grinch– it grew three sizes.
Psalm 94 17-19 Unless the Lord had given me help I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said “My foot is slipping” your love, O Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me your consolation brought joy to my soul
I look to the Heavens and see the stars.
Where did they come from?
My ears ring from the silence.
When did the wind stop?
My face is try from raining tears.
What happened to the water?
The whispering mist and morning pinks.
I breathe! I live!
My breath and heart move as God had set it.
I am a live after the storm
Battered, bruised, but not broken
I am loved, adopted, and saved
Praise ye the Lord.
So I continue on, on this happy wave, hanging ten and loving the reprieve of heaviness, return my hearts love to normal, build my relationship with God and prepare for the next time- there may not be a next time– there maybe many next times. But I will prepare, enjoy, pray, read, love.