I was sitting at lunch today reading a book on anxiety, and how to deal with it. There are no good books out there that I have found dealing with depression. What I have found; christian or otherwise, are books written by educated people, giving advice on a something they have never experienced.
It has been a difficult month. I have been down most of it, with no rhyme or reason. Today I was shopping at Costco, going along no problems, then as I was contemplating my list of stuff, I could feel my heart start to race and my spirits sinking. It was like stepping out in the rain. One second dry; one step soaked.  It makes no sence.

Philippians 4:6-9 NIV

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Our reaction to problems should be first thankfulness and honour to God. To create right thinking and right praying. Depression takes away right thinking, and creates prayers of desperation. When you are trapped in the dark how do you see the light?

1 Corinthians 10:13

13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

The question I can not answer. This depression has led me to depths I could have never fathomed. Where does depression fit in here. Could the chaos of my mind be related to the lack of trust I have in God, I can’t trust myself, I sometimes don’t know what is truth, so what do I trust? Is my lack of trust a sign that I have little faith? This is the great question. How do you reconcile the light and dark of the mind, to the promises of God. Is it wrong for me to assume that with my depression that I can not feel at peace? Or is my peace dependent on God givimg it to me and if I do not feel it – is it because I am doing something wrong.

till next time……