lables


so I have said previous post I am down.  It’s not darkness, evil, or anything crowding me its just down.   A pit deep in my heart.  I do not understand why.  But people do not help.  Ignorance to depression and what it means makes me so angry to people who think  Oh just buck up and get a grip!

When my friend’s son killed himself , a friend of mine whose daughter went to school with him and heard his valedictorian speech said Oh ya him well he was a different sort, ya well that makes sence!   How I managed not to hit him is beyond me — I think I was in shock.

My brother this past weekend called me thin-skinned and whiny.  Great!

A friend said I was melancholy this week and maybe it was something some creative outlet would correct.

There was a student at work that was flushed and couldn’t string two words together.  She couldn’t sit in her chair, rolling all over the place.  She suffers from depression and is a cutter.  Her arm was so infected her body was going into shock.  She had also smoked some weed and crack and taken some pain killers.  I didn’t know about the drugs, but I looked into her eyes and saw that she was going into shock probably from the drugs and the infection.  I called the Mom and told her what was happening.  Mom said call an ambulance I’ll meet her at the hospital.  I told went back to the class told the teacher in charge Mom wants an ambulance and I would make the call.  I go to the office. V.P. and Principal look at me cancel the ambulance cause — well what for!  They cancelled it called the Mom re looked at the student –30minutes later call and the police and ambulance drivers show – take her -and she spent the night in the psych ward and is now hooked up with the right people to help her.  Bottom line is — mental illness is not a serious illness —

Its bad enough to feel crazy and unsure it’s another for stupid people to make you feel worthless cause of an illness they don’t understand and you can’t control.

till next time…………….

Broken


I have in hand a broken stick,

I am sliding down beneath the earth.

The open-pit to swallow me up.

My anger rages on.

Who will stop me,

Who will care.

I made a huge mistake

in sharing my pain.

I see only eyes of pity

Eyes of avoidance

Eyes of disguss.

I am tired of the pain I feel

I sit in the pew hoping to feel God

I only feel the rush of voices tearing my heart in two.

I shut off my phone, I shut my door.

No more to go.

For it is better to hide,

then be put to shame

Better to stay home , than be criticized

For there is no love out there.

For it is my pillow who holds me tight.

In the sleepless nights.