Here comes the drugs!


January leads into Feb and then MarchThen what—I started medication for my depression in Feb.  I thought it would be the cure all.  That isn’t what happens with  depression but I didn’t know.  It is sneaky.  The thing the doctor didn’t tell me – my wonderful doctor who a have always trusted for over 20+ years.  There are side effects.  I had shaky hands I was up I was down- I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I lost 15 lbs and blamed it on a exercise program I was on in fact I just didn’t eat much for weeks .  I wasn’t hungary.

In the midst of this I did write some an extensive amount of  poetry, to help my heart mind soul.   Some heartfelt but there was also the heartbroken poetry too- see below:

It came upon me slowly seductively it whispered lies

When I didn’t know I was listening

It attacked my God

It attacked my faith

It took my emotions and squeezed them

I panic

A God who loves us should protect us from ourselves There should not be death suffering in silence

Our minds should not betray us – The lies continue

The dark smoulders around, frightening my heart, cooling it to make it cold

Pushing to keep it off balance

My hands shake, my heart cold, I can not cry anymore

I am not losing my mind

I am not losing myself

I am not losing my love

I keep telling me these things

Murky gray keeps licking the heels of my mind

The lie takes more,  but I see it.  I separate if from my faith. I separate it from my God.

It lets go, but it did not leave

But I fight and fight fight

I am Broken the light gathers

I am Hurt the light heals

I am ashamed the light forgive

Its grace covers me and the love comes through

I give up the familiar robe of
darkness for a garmet of Joy – I try

I feel raw but safe

less shaky But shaken

Peace but disturbed

Forgive my tormented heart

Forgive my troubled mind

Thank you for your Grace and Love

For God is in Control

God holds me true

God is the Way Truth Light

God is my Father, and his Grace and Love never ends  Amen

Needless to say I was in a state, but this is what i have discovered depression does; it turns you upside down.  If you have or are going through depression you know what it can do.  If you have never been through it this is how powerful it is.  It takes all that we hold dear and messes it up.

So now what???? you go to sleep- you get up you try again, and try not to be a pest to your friends but if anything see your doctor, seek people who can help, friends, family, professionals,
God.

I pray that all who read this will be Blessed by God to gain understanding, help and guidance and most of all peace.

Please come back again and read more.

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