March break is over and its Monday uck! Oh to be retired, I am nowhere near that age, I have lots of years of work yet, but I imagine what it would be like, Hmmmmmmm, nice. It’s hard to come back to work when the weather is so warm and sunny. It’s freaky that the weather is so hot when it is still winter. I went to work with a sweater instead of a winter coat which would be normal. I have been feeling ok the past week or so a moment of pulling back moment of sadness, but it doesn’t last long and I am glad for that. I am still having concentration issues. I am not the multi tasker I used to be but that is a side effect of depression and its medication so it will one day disapate – I hope. So I guess I am still sitting on my ledge, with my feet over the side swinging in the breeze and I am listening to the birds of spring and seeing the flowers of rebirth all around me. I went to church this Sunday and it was a great service. I felt no attacks, no distraction, no problems. I got to worship and enjoy the service, it gave me great peace.
I’m cured! No, I know I am not. I still have a strong desire to pull away and close off. I still have a great desire to be alone and go away for a weekend somewhere by myself. I fight those desires, I try to take some time for me to enjoy some quiet time. I run and that is good for an hour, I meditate and do yoga so that gets me some time too. I need that time to sort my brain. That seems to be the norm right now, that I need time to get my mind in order to do things. Its small steps at a time. I have found that my aggravation threshold is low, not a good thing for work, but I am getting by.
Positives. Positives. Positives. I am alive. I walk everyday and pray, and see Gods creation in the birds that are singing their spring songs, seeing the earth give forth its colours and rebirth of nature. I am here! I am not in the darkness, or despair of my life hanging in the balance. I am working out. I have managed for 4 weeks to work out on a regular basis, finally. I have been enjoying most of it too. I am eating, and eating right. No junk food, cutting out caffeine, no drinking unless with a good meal on the weekends only. I have been reading my bible more, and I have been attending church and enjoying the service. It is nice to feel almost normal, or as close to normal as I have been for a while. So I guess you can say I am hanging my feet over the edge of the ledge kicking my feet in the breeze like a little girl would sit on a swing in the park. Looking up to heaven and soaking in the sun, the warmth of God‘s Love and the promise of spring in the earth. Praise be to God.
Till Next time……………….
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