Boxing day is over and that was the day that I had my husbands and my extended families over. It was the most stressful day of the whole Christmas season. Both sides of the family were fussing coming up to this day and I was very angry with the family and how they were acting. I was ready to call the whole thing off but we proceeded and to be honest the whole thing went great. At least the day was great. I woke up peaceful that morning and really didn’t feel stressed out. We did our cleaning of the house and got ourselves ready and I just started to cook and prepare food one thing at a time. I just puttzed along and had a sip of tea, then water worked my way up to a glass of wine it was really good. No sitdown dinner – I asked everyone to come and party. We asked for no presents just come over and have some fun it seemed to work, everyone seem to be in a good mood and enjoyed
Later my husband and I sat back and looked over our Christmas break, it was a good one. We got to spend some quality time with our kids. We got to spend some time together, we got to connect with friends. We spent some time at church and enjoy our favorate services. Family during the break were ok and I did enjoy it.
I think the reason I enjoyed it so much was I managed to give over the control to God. I was so confused before Christmas. Its funny now that I think about it from this point in time. Before Christmas I was despeate and confused I wanted to understand and if I understood, I could fight the hurt that I felt in my heart. It was clinched so tight and I was so wound up and in a panic. When I sat down with my pastor and was expressing my confusion, I couldn’t put it into words as to what my confusion was over. Sounds like panic over nothing–but in my mind and in my heart and the physical responses I was confused. The devil is a master of it. When my pastor told me that he summed up my confusion over trust and I should allow God to take over, I felt like I had a ah ha moment. You know one of those moments when you hit yourself in the forhead with the palm of your hand. The darkness had me so confused that I only knew I had to be incontrol and when I could solve the mystery and understand the bible verse and set myself free from the confusion. I was trying so hard to trust in me to try to make my mind make sence, to try to control my ups and down I couldn’t do it. Pastor said trust in God just Trust in him. Don’t try to control the things you can’t and give it to God. I went home and thought it over meditated on it, I could feel the release. I held to my convictions to give it to God I spoke my beliefs in church in prayers at home, and even though I was still going up and down as I finished the week I was starting to feel better.
I also started to take more of one of my medications and I think that helped too.
So today I feel ok, made it through Christmas and I am starting to feel a little better – No ghosts following me this year — confusion– the devil is good at that, but God’s love is always with me. you just have to let it go, and give it to him.
till next time