Hola. A week on vacation is never enough- We spent a week in Mexico and it was wonderful. The sun, sand, time away, all good and peaceful for the soul. Every morning we would wake to drink our coffee watching the birds and feeling the ever-increasing heat and it warmed my soul as well as my body. God blessed me with a wash of peace. I could feel it come over me like a comforting blanket, and lifted my spirits. The ghosts of Christmas past did not follow me, they stayed in the past where they belonged- it was my greatest fear. I think for me the pain of the previous year frightened me into believing that I could replay or feel them all over again. That was a lie that the darkness wanted me to believe. The darkness wanted me to believe that the Birth or our Saviour wasn’t important and I would associate this celebration with pain, not a promise of light. Jesus‘ birth this year became more to me than any family celebration I have ever had. We bought no presents, we planned this expensive vacation to get away, and in some ways I was worried I was running away. It concerned me because next year we would not be able to run away and what then? Will the darkness find me and sink me down? The devil knew all the buttons to push.
Here is what happened. We stepped out of the commercialism, family ritual, expectations of people and left. Sounds like running away- but we just took a break. What filled those holes. Love. We spent time as an individual family, just our kids, just us as a married couple, and reconnected. We walked away from family problems, personalities and we all have those in our extended families. We returned and spent two days with dear friends, and connected with them. New Years Day I am sitting at my table with my friends for dinner, we had our close friends for New Years Eve and the day was our camping friends, and my thoughts were very much on my friends who I couldn’t be with that day and I felt a wash of love, peace, and joy. Why, cause we get along with friends than family?? Well that may be true partly, I think God was giving me a deeper meaning. He has blessed my family with friends that are life long. There is an old saying that says, it takes a village to raise a child. I was sitting, thinking and being with my village. My heart overflowed with joy, I was sipping from my saucer cause my cup over flow.
So what does that have to do with depression? Ya it is easy to feel all warm when you’re at a resort that is all-inclusive and the tequilla was flowing, no wonder I felt all warm and fuzzy!! Yes true, but and its a big BUT. Depression strips away all you hold dear. Your mind fails you and you feel you are alone, sad, isolated, unworthy, disappointment, failure, better off anywhere else, even death than to be where you are right now. Depression is a long struggle between feeling good to resisting the sadness which try to seep in and steal your happiness. There are good days like the past two weeks and there are bad days like previous, and some days your mind completely leaves you in a storm where you don’t know which way is up. Then God gives you a present like I am feeling now. Shows me that I am worthy, smart, loved, blessed and in His protection.
As the plane descended on Mexico I was still battling the ghosts of Christmas past, I prayed that God could protect me from the darkness and show me even more of his light and grace. I kept my eyes focused on him and my family and I felt carried by God through our vacation and even back here in Canada. As I return to routine I hope that I can continue on this level. But the chemicals in my brain may not allow it in a week or two or more but in the mean time I prepare as always for the next storm by healing my wounds, coming and studying closer God’s love and creating a foundation that is build on rock and not on sand – to handle any storm!
Happy New Year and God’s Blessings