We are mid week in the last week of July. I was for my follow up with my doctor this week she wants me to up my dose again. I have now doubled my doseage. It makes me sad, to be honest that I need to be taking something. I am a farm girl, I don’t like chemicals and taking them or exposing them to me, pills goes against the grain- so to speak no pun intended. But I have been feeling better and talked myself out of a panic attack the other week so I guess I am proceeding in a positive trend and this will not be forever, so I will roll with it for now.
I have been having sleeping problems. I am only getting 2 to 4 hours a night, I am tired and hate that. I have been trying to be active. I don’t run lately and seem to have lost my drive for that, I have stopped working out, I feel guilty for that but as a Mom and women I always feel guilty for that and so much more.
Today I want to talk about thorns. I had a tough time reconciling my thorn with the power of God. My thorn, depression; my delima, I have a belief in a God that created the heavens and the earth and yet I have this thorn. My thorn has shown me the darkness of evil and how smooth and slick it can be. The darkness has been relenting till now; for now I seem to be better and not near the darkness, as a matter of fact I seem to be smothered in light. But along with the light is an acute awareness of the heartbreak of others. Why the thorn. The apostle Paul asked God three times to remove his thorn. I have asked God three thousand times at least to remove my thorn. God answered Paul this way, ” My Grace is sufficient for you” In other words God’s favour, his blessings, his will is sufficient for him. God has decided that what ever the thorn is that Paul hates, God is not going to take it away, he is leaving it for him and his Love and Will should be enough for Paul. Thorns do lots for the thorn bearer. A person learns to adapt to our thorn. When we adapt we become stronger, we lean on God more. In other words the thorn makes us a better person and teaches us to rely on God to help us through the rough parts, keeps us humble. Like a parent allows a child to fall down once in a while so it can learn to stand on its own two feet God also allow us to fall to make us stronger. But is it ever easy. No Never, why would you allow a child to fall, it will hurt, we don’t want our children to hurt we want to give them everything to make their life easier cause our life wasn’t easy- why not make it better for them. You end up with spoiled children that expects to be served. Paul was a proud man his thorn made him rely on God to the point that he was humble and praised God for his thorn because it increased the depth of the relationship between him and God. The child that is helped never realizes the love that parent really has for him. The child who falls realizes that he or she learns something and the parent shows him love in a tough love way.
My thorn. God has taught me that resisting the devil and all his ways doesn’t mean only being good, don’t gossip, don’t steal, don’t swear, these are indeed things that need to be avoided but that isn’t the devil at his best. Those are little chips at our soul. When you are at your most vulnerable, when you are depressed and fall in a hole, then the devil prowls around and confuses you and makes you forget what is really important. Your family, your faith, what you hold dear, even your life. But resisting means relying on God and his Grace being sufficient. It has deepened my relationship with him – because I let him deepen it. I could have walked away yelling you don’t care for me you are self-seeking. God is seeking, me, my heart, my soul, my life. Jesus tells us to ask and it will be given to you, seek and it will be found, knock and it will be open to you. I’m no talking give me a million dollars. But if you are in a bad place ask and God will be there, seek and God will draw close, knock and God will open the door for you. I you need someone to go through this God will be there, he may not take the thorn away from you, but he will give you a way to learn from it and make you a better person.
This is all for now, August is another month to work through God Bless you till I write to again.