Happy Thanks Giving


Canada just celebrated Thanks Giving this weekend, it was an amazing weekend.  The weather was hot and sunny.  I sat in my back yard for a couple of afternoons in my bathing suit soaking up the sunshine. Swam in my pool – not so warm, but we relaxed, ate some good food, stayed up too late, and hung out.  All the things you are suppose to do on a long weekend.

So how did my depression do- well I have to say that it did pretty good.  I am quietly optimistic that the side effects are calming down and today even though I am tired, they are calm.  To be honest I am afraid to say it out loud cause they have been good.  I suffer from dizzy spells, and a little shaking ( it never goes away) but all in all I am feeling better.

That is an easy statement to say when you are feeling good.  You can climb any mountain, forge every stream!! Tomorrow I may be face down in a dark hole, but today I bask in the light.

I have been reading a book lately that has been discussing God and life and hardships.  As we go through hardships; and lets face it there is no life, that doesn’t go through hardships, the more we trust God the easier it is to go through them.  God never causes the hardships.  God never orders pain. We suffer from things that are usually our (humans) cause.  Cancer is caused by the chemicals we are putting in this world.  A fatal car accident is caused by a mistake or a drunken driver, or some decision made by someone who causes other things to domino. A break up in marriage is cause by the couples failure somewhere in the relationship.  My depression is caused by chemicals in my brain misfiring.   This world is unpredictable, unsettling, never constant, ever-changing.  What can we count on?  God created every human being and animal on this earth.  God created everything that has breath. We can count on the fact that God made us out of love for us, as his children.  We can count on our reconciliation with God through Jesus‘ death on the cross.  We can count on every word in the bible as truth, and a history of man kind and our Lord. We can count on the Prince of darkness to be eternally jealous of the devotion and love we give God, and will try to trip us up at every chance he gets, and blame God for it every time. But best of all when we screw up, when we are in trouble or when we suffer setbacks and illness and every suffering heart, Jesus cry with us and God uses our bad situations for his good.  He does not wait to punish us or exploit a bad situation.  But he uses bad situations to show us his Love and power, and teach us to love and trust him more.  Have you ever learned anything from having it handed to you?  Has a relationship gotten deeper when everything goes well all the time?  Do you know your true friends when you party with them or when you cry with them?

In this journey of depression, I have had the rug pulled out from under my feet when I never saw it coming, and knocked out cold.  I have taken some large steps forward in my relationship with God.  I have also learned to trust him and I have learned things about myself I never knew before, and I have learned who my true friends are and that they are Great true friends.  In order to do this God slowly showed me each step of the way, what was truth and what was darkness masquerading as truth.  He showed me not to be afraid, and how to listen to him.

Pain and suffering is like a pearl.  In the oysters world a grain of sand is an irritant.  It causes pain in the oyster but over time it creates something beautiful from the trouble.  God takes our pain and troubles and uses them as an opportunity to build a relationship with him and take us to a new level of commitment and love – if we allow him.  God never said there would be no pain in this world.  He did say we would never face it alone. We have the Father, Son and Holy Spirit to guide protect and lead us in this troubled world.

Till next time God’s Blessings

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Godly Women Get the Blues ? ? ?


Women work hard, play hard, love their families, love their God, but sometimes they get the blues.   Blues maybe that is a mild term. Sometimes Godly women can become down right depressed.  Depressed is a mild word, sometimes women can fall into dark holes of despair.  When one falls into that dark hole what do you do?  I have been struggling with depression  for more than a year now.  I didn’t  realized till just  before Christmas 2010.   It was not a  crisis of faith.  If anything God does draws closer to you but the noise of negativity and darkness can be overwhelming. I never knew what was happening till I had my breakdown.  I slowly started to realize what what happening to me.  I was depressed, I was ashamed, I was a women that was incontrol that was out of control. I was afraid, terrified is a better word.  I had no one to turn to; at lease I thought I didn’t.

I wanted to start this blog as a record of my journey through depression, the doctor appointments, the medications and a deeper relationship with God, the tension of friendships, the relationships with my kids and husband and how they are effected. Some of what you read is funny, sad, even scary, but all of what you read is true.

I also want to help those who are going through the same thing.  When friends are too busy to talk, and the darkness seems to close, I hope that you will come search this out. There are answers to the questions about what depression is about, there is hope, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Please read on you’ll find anxious moments, you’ll find answers to prayer, you’ll hear stories of deep despair, sadness, addictions and failures.  And maybe you’ll find hopefully a way to cope and way to hope and a way to find peace.